I typed “Step Mom” into dictionary.com and the results came
back “Did you mean supermom?” Finally
someone who knows what they’re talking about!
Although I don’t believe that super mom applies only to the women who marry some child's dad, this
is the subject I am sifting through today because it is a dear place in my
heart, as I live in on the daily.
The internet was winning today with that search result. But seriously – I have not been able to get
this thought out of my mind for months as I grow and deal with the blessings
and the hiccups that come with loving our kids.
This is the first time I’m putting it into
words and I hope that I am not misunderstood and that my intentions or love is
not questioned, which brings me to the point of this post:
I hate being a “step mom” because there is nothing “step”
about the overwhelming love and protection I feel toward my Littles. It’s my utmost desire to pour into these children
everything good that I have to give.
I REALLY LOVE BEING THEIR (STEP) MOM!
When my husband introduced me to them I was ecstatic and
nervous….like really, REALLY nervous. About to pee my pants kind of nervous. He and the boys’ mother made an agreement that
for the sake of the children they wouldn’t be introducing them to significant
others until it was truly significant.
On the other hand, I had to be ready for this big deal, too. I had to be sure of my intentions toward this
man.
Which I was. Totally.
Unquestionably. Forever.
The evening we met they pulled up in my driveway to pick me
up. I came out of the house trying to be
nonchalant, but on the inside my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was
going to explode out of my ears. I
peered into the back seat where they were buckled up and said “Hi!” The middle Little, the littlest Little at the
time, looked to be feeling the same way as me.
His eyes were as big as saucers and I felt loads of compassion course
through me. He was wearing these Cars
(the movie) house slippers, so I asked him about Cars…and that was it. His four year old little tiny voice
piped up and we became instant friends.
But OH MY GOSH...... And they were soooooooo cute.
The oldest Little was cool that night. That’s his personality – he’s suave. He’s a calm, sure, beautiful soul. I’ve never seen a better child than him. His behavior is almost perfect and we get
along in a super way.
That night led way to many nights, many days. Then I married them all, really. That's what you do when you marry into a family.
I know they both sometimes feel confused and wrestle with their
loyalties. That breaks my heart. I imagine, like most any
child whose parents aren’t together, they fantasize with the desires of their
heart for their original family to be whole. I have learned not to be jealous of this. I have to respond with compassion, love and
kindness. I have to be a pillar of surety
in our love and in our strength as a family.
It’s not easy, but it’s not personal and I have a great
helpmate to guide me through these delicate situations.
But there was a time when the words “REAL MOM” plagued me. They circulated our house often. I felt like I was pouring everything I had
into these itty bitties and those words would sear my ears. Although I didn’t expect these tiny humans to
understand I still felt alienated by those words. They made me feel like I was the generic brand. A fake and a fraud.
Boy, am I glad I got over that.
Along the way the Littles chose to call me "mom" as well. Sometimes Real Mom and Fake Mom (me) both answer
if we’re all together and "mom" is beckoned.
I hold that title
in the highest of regard and will strive to honor it, but I am in no way making
the mistake of believing in my mind or my heart that I have all of the same
rights and privileges as Momma Real does.
She gave birth to them; however I do have a loving, important,
meaningful, influential relationship with them.
Our bond will always be different than the bond they have with their “real”
mom and that’s something I had to come into an understanding of as a new parent.
Being a step mom means lots of stuff that a person can’t
know – ever – until they are one. One can
go into it with thoughts, ideas and beliefs on how it is going to be, but it’s
a blessing one can’t understand until in the trenches. Sometimes it means bowing out, staying quiet,
sacrificing the way I think it should be, but I would never change this
experience. I am better because of
them.
Having these tiny hearts in my life has been the most life
changing event to ever happen impact my world.
It stripped me of my selfishness.
It brought a steady drip of unending love, responsibility and joy that I
could never imagine in my former, self-centered world.
On the days where there are difficulties I think of how
Joseph must have felt. Can you even
imagine little Jesus saying “my real dad is God!”?
There is no place for jealousy in love and that is a lesson
worth learning early.
***This post is intended to fully honor the love and
relationship I have with my Littles 1 and 2.
I have been given a gift that is immeasurable and could not be
duplicated or overpowered by anything else.
